Post by ADMIN on Aug 28, 2006 10:37:10 GMT 7
Hey, here are the jokes that were once posted. Keep more jokes coming in ! We need to distressed. xD
--------------------
Shaun
Once 4 old friends met for lunch at a restaurant. They were A B C and D.
After awhile D went to the restroom.
A B C started chatting about their sons.
A remarked about how well his son was doing as a Captain and owner of a large shipping company. "Oh my son is doing very well..During his friend's birthday he gave his friend a yacht!"
B had also good news about his own son who was a Real Estate tycoon. "Oh my son is also doing very well..During his friends birthday he gave his friend a house!"
C was not the odd one out. "My son is also doing incredibly well! He is the owner of a private airlines firm. During his friend's birthday he gave his friend a private jet!"
Then D returned from the restroom and was asked about how his son was doing.
"Oh my son ar..he is a gay working in a gay club as a stripper."
A B and C were speechless.
"Oh but my son is doing exceptionally well in his job. During his birthday party he received a yacht, a house and a private jet."
SHAUN 2
Once there was a lone young traveller walking in some desolate woods. Night was befalling and he was getting desperate to find a place to stay for the cold night.
Fortunately for him, he soon came upon a very ancient chinese looking 2-storey house. He knocked on the door and an old man answered the door. He then questioned whether he could spend the night at his house.
"Sure young man. But on 2 conditions, you cannot touch daughter. Fail to comply and you will face the brutality of the 3 ancient chinese martial arts."
Thinking that since the old man was already so old, his daughter would more or less be also quite old, so he agreed on the conditions and was invited to the second floor, where his room to spend the night was. After settling down his travelling equipment, he was invited for dinner with the old man and his daughter.
Soon enough, he met the old man's daughter and was pleasantly surprised to find her as being a young pretty looking girl with a sexy figure. Noticing the traveller's reaction to his daughter, the old man kicked him in the legs to remind him of the deal they had made. He nodded and continued with his dinner.
After dinner, while the young man was heading for his room, he came upon the young daughter who whispered silently into his ear,"I'll be sleeping in the room opposite yours, so visit me ok? I will be getting lonely for the night..." She winked at him and headed for her room.
The young man was surprised, but kept his cool for the night not wanting to break his promise with the old man who had been so kind to him. But alas, he could not contain himself and late into the night crept into the daughter's room. It was a night he could only dream before he came here.
Figuring the old man would not suspect anything, he went back to his own room just before dawn and soon fell asleep, exhausted.
When he woke up, he found a small boulder on his chest with a card on it. It read "Martial arts skill Number 1:Little Rock on Chest". Laughing at this little silly trick, he took the boulder and threw it out of the window. But just then he noticed another card lying by the window and it read. "Martial Arts skill Number 2: Right testicle tied to little rock."
"Holy nuts!!" Figuring it was better to get a broken leg or hand than to lose his manhood, he hastily jumped out of the window after the rock.
But right after he jumped, he saw yet another card on the wall outside the house. This card read, "Martial arts skill number 3: Left testicle tied to bed pole."
------------
NICK 1
There was an aeroplane tt was on its way to Hawaii. Halfway, they heard the pilot announcing sth on the speaker.
" Dear customers, i hope tt u hav enjoyed ur flight on XXX. I hav some bad news to offer. As u can see on ur right, the right wing of the plane has been broken and will be giving way soon. On ur left, u can see tt the left wing caught fire and will be exploding soon. At ur back, even though u can see it, the tail of the plane hit some sort of birds and will definitely break away from the plane. If u are able to look down through the plane onto the ocean, which i noe u cant, u will see a small boat. On tt boat is the entire crew of the plane. And u can see me waving back at u.
From this announcement, u can tell tt there arent any pilots on the plane and tt u are going to crash in an hours time. This is a pre-recordered msg."
"Have a nice day."
NICK 2
i gt another one.
A mathematician, chemist and idiot died and they were sent to heaven. The angel there told them, " If u can come up wif a question which i cant answer, u can go to heaven. If not, u go to hell."
So the mathematician asked fer the world's most difficult and complicated maths formula.
The angel asnwered correctly and sent him to hell.
Then the chemist asked fer the world's most complicated science equation. The angel ansered correctly and sent him to hell.
Now the idiot. He brought a chair and drilled 9 holes onto it. He sat down and after much concentration, farted. He then asked the angel, which hole did my fart came out. The angel saed the middle one.
The idiot saed, " Wrong. The fart came out through my butthole."
So he went to heaven.
NICK 3
There was this plane that was going to crash. On it, there were 99 men and 1 woman aboard. Luckily, the plane managed to swerve in time and only the lower half of the plane crashed past the mountain. As a result, wat was left was the upper half of the plane and all 100 passengers hanging from it. The pilot then announced tt the plane is slowing down and is going to crash into the sea unless 1 person sacrificed his or her life.
Everybodi started to point at the woman as she was the odd one out. She gave a touching speech, " I would like to thank my parents, my frens fer helping me cross this life..."
It was so touching tt all 99 men began to applause. And dropp.
NICK 4
Teacher: Now, Harrison, if ur father borrows 10 bucks from me and pays me back at $1 a month, at the end of 6 months how much will he owe me?
Harrison: $10, sir.
Teacher: I am afraid you dun noe much about arithmetic, Harrison.
HArrison: I am afraid you dun noe much about my dad, sir.
NICK 5
Teacher: Alan, give me a sentence startin with "I".
Alan: I is-
Teacher: No, Alan. You must alwaes sae "I am".
Alan: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
-------------
WEITING
aniwaes, i got one...
okies... cinderella was having manstration ( is that how you spell that? ) when she was supposed to go to the ball...
she got no pads so she asked the fairy god mother fer help...
her fairy god mother used a pumpkin to make a tampon ( donnoe how to spell too ) and she wore it to the ball...
BUT at twelve o'clock cinderella died...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
coz the tampon turned back into a pumpkin...
------------
AND THEREFORE, the top contributer, is NICK with his lame jokes ! =) yay.
POST MORE JOKES PEEPS !
--------------------
Shaun
Once 4 old friends met for lunch at a restaurant. They were A B C and D.
After awhile D went to the restroom.
A B C started chatting about their sons.
A remarked about how well his son was doing as a Captain and owner of a large shipping company. "Oh my son is doing very well..During his friend's birthday he gave his friend a yacht!"
B had also good news about his own son who was a Real Estate tycoon. "Oh my son is also doing very well..During his friends birthday he gave his friend a house!"
C was not the odd one out. "My son is also doing incredibly well! He is the owner of a private airlines firm. During his friend's birthday he gave his friend a private jet!"
Then D returned from the restroom and was asked about how his son was doing.
"Oh my son ar..he is a gay working in a gay club as a stripper."
A B and C were speechless.
"Oh but my son is doing exceptionally well in his job. During his birthday party he received a yacht, a house and a private jet."
SHAUN 2
Once there was a lone young traveller walking in some desolate woods. Night was befalling and he was getting desperate to find a place to stay for the cold night.
Fortunately for him, he soon came upon a very ancient chinese looking 2-storey house. He knocked on the door and an old man answered the door. He then questioned whether he could spend the night at his house.
"Sure young man. But on 2 conditions, you cannot touch daughter. Fail to comply and you will face the brutality of the 3 ancient chinese martial arts."
Thinking that since the old man was already so old, his daughter would more or less be also quite old, so he agreed on the conditions and was invited to the second floor, where his room to spend the night was. After settling down his travelling equipment, he was invited for dinner with the old man and his daughter.
Soon enough, he met the old man's daughter and was pleasantly surprised to find her as being a young pretty looking girl with a sexy figure. Noticing the traveller's reaction to his daughter, the old man kicked him in the legs to remind him of the deal they had made. He nodded and continued with his dinner.
After dinner, while the young man was heading for his room, he came upon the young daughter who whispered silently into his ear,"I'll be sleeping in the room opposite yours, so visit me ok? I will be getting lonely for the night..." She winked at him and headed for her room.
The young man was surprised, but kept his cool for the night not wanting to break his promise with the old man who had been so kind to him. But alas, he could not contain himself and late into the night crept into the daughter's room. It was a night he could only dream before he came here.
Figuring the old man would not suspect anything, he went back to his own room just before dawn and soon fell asleep, exhausted.
When he woke up, he found a small boulder on his chest with a card on it. It read "Martial arts skill Number 1:Little Rock on Chest". Laughing at this little silly trick, he took the boulder and threw it out of the window. But just then he noticed another card lying by the window and it read. "Martial Arts skill Number 2: Right testicle tied to little rock."
"Holy nuts!!" Figuring it was better to get a broken leg or hand than to lose his manhood, he hastily jumped out of the window after the rock.
But right after he jumped, he saw yet another card on the wall outside the house. This card read, "Martial arts skill number 3: Left testicle tied to bed pole."
------------
NICK 1
There was an aeroplane tt was on its way to Hawaii. Halfway, they heard the pilot announcing sth on the speaker.
" Dear customers, i hope tt u hav enjoyed ur flight on XXX. I hav some bad news to offer. As u can see on ur right, the right wing of the plane has been broken and will be giving way soon. On ur left, u can see tt the left wing caught fire and will be exploding soon. At ur back, even though u can see it, the tail of the plane hit some sort of birds and will definitely break away from the plane. If u are able to look down through the plane onto the ocean, which i noe u cant, u will see a small boat. On tt boat is the entire crew of the plane. And u can see me waving back at u.
From this announcement, u can tell tt there arent any pilots on the plane and tt u are going to crash in an hours time. This is a pre-recordered msg."
"Have a nice day."
NICK 2
i gt another one.
A mathematician, chemist and idiot died and they were sent to heaven. The angel there told them, " If u can come up wif a question which i cant answer, u can go to heaven. If not, u go to hell."
So the mathematician asked fer the world's most difficult and complicated maths formula.
The angel asnwered correctly and sent him to hell.
Then the chemist asked fer the world's most complicated science equation. The angel ansered correctly and sent him to hell.
Now the idiot. He brought a chair and drilled 9 holes onto it. He sat down and after much concentration, farted. He then asked the angel, which hole did my fart came out. The angel saed the middle one.
The idiot saed, " Wrong. The fart came out through my butthole."
So he went to heaven.
NICK 3
There was this plane that was going to crash. On it, there were 99 men and 1 woman aboard. Luckily, the plane managed to swerve in time and only the lower half of the plane crashed past the mountain. As a result, wat was left was the upper half of the plane and all 100 passengers hanging from it. The pilot then announced tt the plane is slowing down and is going to crash into the sea unless 1 person sacrificed his or her life.
Everybodi started to point at the woman as she was the odd one out. She gave a touching speech, " I would like to thank my parents, my frens fer helping me cross this life..."
It was so touching tt all 99 men began to applause. And dropp.
NICK 4
Teacher: Now, Harrison, if ur father borrows 10 bucks from me and pays me back at $1 a month, at the end of 6 months how much will he owe me?
Harrison: $10, sir.
Teacher: I am afraid you dun noe much about arithmetic, Harrison.
HArrison: I am afraid you dun noe much about my dad, sir.
NICK 5
Teacher: Alan, give me a sentence startin with "I".
Alan: I is-
Teacher: No, Alan. You must alwaes sae "I am".
Alan: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
-------------
WEITING
aniwaes, i got one...
okies... cinderella was having manstration ( is that how you spell that? ) when she was supposed to go to the ball...
she got no pads so she asked the fairy god mother fer help...
her fairy god mother used a pumpkin to make a tampon ( donnoe how to spell too ) and she wore it to the ball...
BUT at twelve o'clock cinderella died...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
coz the tampon turned back into a pumpkin...
------------
AND THEREFORE, the top contributer, is NICK with his lame jokes ! =) yay.
POST MORE JOKES PEEPS !